Book extract- coming soon

​I don’t know why I feel the need to impress her. The need to show off what I have, which isn’t much, is overwhelming. It’s not in a horrible way that I have to do it, I don’t do it to be mean, I just simply cannot help myself.  It’s part of my personality. It’s me. How do I change it? I don’t know. I wish I did, it’s getting me down. She is my addiction, my cure, my reasoning, my angel, my devil, my world, and she will never know it. She looks through me, almost like I don’t exist. It hurts, but not as much as it would nurt to never get a chance to be with her. I spend the long days staring at her, daydreaming about a future that will never happen. I plan it meticulously, every detail in small print within my brain. I never believed in love, because everyone who had ever spoken of it, only spoke of the heartbreak – not the good memories,  the emotions they felt or how the other person made them feel. It was off putting. I didn’t want a life of pain and misery from my heart being broken, but I didn’t want to live a loveless life either. I guess it was a pro versus cons situation, and I definitely needed to weigh them up. It would be difficult to get Alice to even find me the slightest bit of attractive or try to find out if it was just guys she liked, or girls too, or even- just me. 



let me just speak, and tell you how I feel, 

exhausted, feeble and weak, 

I can’t bear to eat another meal,

sad doesn’t describe the emotion,

empty and disheartened? 

no it’s lonely, feeble and broken,

depression stews through my veins,

turning them from blue and purple,

to a disillusioned dark grey,

a monotone voice, with a monotone soul

a monotone life, I fear I’m losing control,

I’m yet to meet death, but I feel the connection,

I hear her breathing, and can smell her direction,

caressing my brain with her words, the words of a thespian, 

save me, release me,

fish me out of this aquarium

Enchantment 🌠

Pour your energy into my soul, envision us together, slowly growing old, take my hand into yours, and show me your world, let us spiral into a concave, write stories that were previously untold,

Let’s forget our troubles in this world, we shall not behave, we will go out with fists of glory, because there’s nothing else I crave, 

With you I have the serendipity I desire, the passion that I need, the strength to continue pushing, when I don’t feel that I can succeed,

You convinced me of true love – a fairy tale written, a happy ending seemed fabricated, until I let you become part of my story, and found myself lustful and smitten 

If i

If I could have a rose, for every time I’ve been scorned, I’d have a house full of them, surrounded by thorns, if storms were created for every time I wept, the clouds would eventually dissipate and become out of their depth, mourning becomes the norm, if I had a penny, for every time I thought of you, I’d be as rich a a banker, with houses with sea views, if I had a pill, for every time I hurt, I’d be overdosing on them, and leaving this earth, leaving behind bad reviews, if I had an emotion, for every time I’d hated this planet, I’d be succumbing to bitterness, hatred attracts me like magnets, in my head and heart there’s an implosion, if I had to leave this earth, I’d be gone in an instant, kissing goodbye to my family, and giving way to new birth, for a life that is woven

Let my love prevail

They ask about love,

I tell them about hurt, 

I associate our memories,

with tragedies occurred,

they ask why I left,

I tell them the truth,

that you didn’t ask me to stay, 

I had to pick a different route,

in my heart there’s injury,

damage to my pride,

please tell me how I can stop,

feeling this feeling inside,

I’m burnt out from surviving,

chasing my own tail,

I want you to want me back,

and let my love prevail.

The future isn’t what we thought it would be

I live a full life, yet I feel like I’m half a person, in my mind a war rages on, but in war there are no winners, just a heavier burden, we’ve achieved a great injustice to our nature, with no chance of a second saviour, communities are sad but smiling, whilst trying to live but knowing they’re dying, no room left to be a dreamer, pushing on in the struggle, the strife follows them around, soulless adventures to make pennies to pay bills, just to keep their feet on solid ground, I feel like I’m drowning, trying to save my generation, because words play less of a role now that technology is our new decoration, we wear it like smiles, paint our faces with instant messages, communicate only in dressing styles, and abbreviated sentences, give me some hope for a future, one worth beckoning for, infect me like a tumour, with ideas to open that door

The taste of summer

you taste like summer, so dress me with your seasons, you spill blossom when you converse, against my heart I commit treason, I’ve got an addiction, and you are my drug, you keep me coming back, withdrawing would open me up, my veins pump for your mind, my eyes see for your beauty, my fingers can only touch, your skin that runs so smoothly, so let me wallow in your voice, lose consciousness in your ideas, tell me your regrets, let me soften their loud noise, let me whisper in your ear, ever oh so gently, let me crawl into your heart, oh how I love you so immensely